A Fool’s Errand

Over the years I have often criticized a majority of my fellow travelers for ignoring history and repeating the same mistakes humans have made over and over for millennia. But as age has crept up on me I have begun to understand that I am no better than my brethren in that I too continue to make the same mistakes over and over, never seeming to learn and thereby correct my behavior. Perhaps this is the fate of our species, to be stuck in the present moment and collectively believe that whatever happened in the past is of no consequence.

Of course there are a few who continue to wave the red flag of warning. Mostly historians who have steeped themselves in understanding the errors made by our recent ancestors and clearly see the parallels in our current actions. Most of the time we either agree with their perspective (and yet do very little to make adjustments) or we pass off their concerns as superfluous to our present day lives. 

Wikipedia offers a section on Historic Denialism, which is similar to, but not exactly, the focus of this essay. The quote from the Wiki passage reads:
“Usually, the purpose of historical denialism is to align with tribal or ideological beliefs, demonize an enemy, maintain group identity, or preserve social bonds, often through motivated reasoning and denial of established facts.” Sound familiar?

The difference between the point of my piece and this passage is that at least there is an acknowledgment of history in denialism, even if the intent is to skew the facts. This is different from the pure ignorance of whether historical events even happened at all and even if they did, they have no bearing on the present. 

But I’ve wandered off topic a bit. The crux of this post is about the frustration surrounding my ongoing attempts at making a difference in the world. Many years ago I began formulating ideas about how we as a species could solve existential issues by reducing the dire nature of the problems we faced. At 19, my first epiphany was to design a rail system that could run on solar power. The train track would be a magnetic levitation rail (or maglev) and the acceleration would be created using a vacuum tube like the old communication systems in department stores (if you’re old enough to remember those). 

I had thought of this for a very particular reason. I considered this a way of eliminating roadkill. If the trains were sequestered in a tube, they couldn’t run over anything. Kind of a silly notion in retrospect. Since then, others have offered this concept as an extremely expensive form of high-speed transportation. But that was just the beginning of these varied ideas. Please know that I’m not telling you this story for self-aggrandizement, but as a way of sharing a long running series of fairly nonsensical concepts I didn’t know what to do with.

Time after time I would fool myself into believing I had come up with some kind of revolutionary idea that could have an enormous impact on the world. Sometimes I would spend months working on these concepts by making drawings, putting together diagrams, working up a lengthy prospectus and more. Eventually there would come a point where I would realize the idea was not going to gain any traction with anyone, so I’d stick it in a file folder. Then, within a few months, I would come up with something else and start all over again. 

All of the ideas were based on what I considered to be a rational approach to solving a problem. I always knew that each of them could be improved in some way through a collaborative effort and I would seek out people who might understand the potential spark embodied in what might otherwise be a naïve and silly concept. But no dice. Mostly I believe that those failures were because of a lack of credibility. Two years of wandering around junior colleges was not a great track record, but I would always try to keep in mind people like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, neither of whom had a college degree. 

So I kept trying. A Middle East peace proposal, a tidal energy production machine, A Single Voice intended to coalesce a fractured Democratic party, bringing together TED talk contributors to work together, asking environmental groups to cooperate with each other instead of doing the same thing separately, The Children Shall Inherit project, and on and on. All going nowhere and all based on a false assumption that people would want to rationally analyze their own behavior and do what’s best. Again, this is not meant as self-pity, but more as an admission of incorrectly believing I had something relevant to offer and that people would jump at the chance to work with me. I was addicted both to seeking solutions and to finding partners who would be willing to help, but the reality was that my ideas were either overly ambitious or completely impractical. I was stuck in a whirlpool of self-deception. 

So what’s my point? And where do I go from here? I know that despite everything, my attempts fall into the category of a fool’s errand. Despite that understanding I also know I won’t stop. Actually I can’t stop. This desire to make a difference is engrained in my psyche. Apparently I will never learn and will continue repeating my own history ad nauseum. I fully expect that if I was gasping for a few last breaths I might blurt out, “Hey, I’ve got this great idea for a different kind of respirator.”

What’s a guy to do?