Empathy
I recently read about podcaster Joe Rogan’s interview with Elon Musk. During the interview, Musk stated, “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” He went on to explain that it’s good to care about a few people, but not in the context of society as a whole. In assessing Musk’s actions rather than his words, he appears to have no empathy for anyone other than himself, his sole focus in life being self-aggrandizement and personal enrichment. As someone who will soon be worth over a trillion dollars (remember this amount is equal to 1,000 billion dollars), the good he could do is immeasurable, yet his only goal appears to be increasing his fortune beyond comprehension.
In my estimation, what a majority of multi-billionaires like Mr. Musk are lacking, aside from any form of compassion or empathy, is a true global concept; an understanding of how all of the pieces of our environment and society in general fit together in ways that can either lead us towards a brighter future or, without any comprehensive vision, drive us towards a self-inflicted extinction. In her book, The Invention of Nature, Andrea Wulf follows the explorations of Alexander von Humboldt who, in 1800, was the first scientist to understand the interconnectedness of all of nature. While climbing Mount Chimborazo in Ecuador, Humboldt looked across the landscapes of South America and had an epiphany of how everything within the entire world was interrelated. Each piece supporting all of the other pieces.
Humboldt’s discovery has been hailed as one of the greatest breakthroughs in scientific history and his work had a profound influence on Charles Darwin, Henry David Thoreau, Thomas Jefferson, plus hundreds of other researchers and scientists around the globe. This extraordinary concept relates to how we humans treat each other and how the symbiotic nature of our mutual well-being is inexorably tied together. When I lend a hand to others who may not be fairing as well as I am, there is also a somewhat selfish motivation to this action, for though I may be helping them, I am also creating a better environment for myself and all of those around me.
The idea of Empathy as a pathway to saving ourselves from chaos and oblivion is nothing new. For centuries the sages of various societies have touted a more compassionate approach to life. And each time they have done so, with words that may be venerated and repeated, in the long term they have not had the desired impact we might hope for. This is the case with the ancient writings in the Tao te Ching offering a look at empathy:
Observe others as yourself
Observe other families as your family
Observe other communities as your community
Observe other countries as your country
Observe the world as the world
Lao Tsu
Or more recently from Barrack Obama:
“Empathy is the art of stepping imaginatively into the shoes of another person, understanding their feelings and perspectives, and using that understanding to guide your actions."
When we read these quotations, we nod our heads in agreement, but we soon forget the words when faced with an adversarial situation. This is not meant as a suggestion to remain passive in the face of physical aggression from another person, but it does mean that viewing verbal attacks from a mindful perspective can disarm a situation much better than responding in kind.
Every person is dealing with some kind of pain. At times this pain can drive an individual to act irrationally or lash out. If we can do our best to understand a person’s distress, we might be able to at least have some empathy and use kindness instead of vitriol to interact. By doing so we can begin to tamp down the hostility gap in relationships we so plainly see every day both in our personal lives and in the world at large. I realize I’m oversimplifying a very complex dynamic, but we must start somewhere, even if it is from a very fundamental and basic perspective.
On a personal note, I have been diagnosed as having hyper-empathy. Perhaps on the surface this sounds like something positive and maybe even altruistic. It’s not. This syndrome can be debilitating and lead to great frustration and often manifests itself in depression. When someone with this syndrome reads the newspaper or hears a story on the radio about the suffering in Darfur or the devastation of a hurricane in Jamaica, it can become overwhelming. When I know that a friend or even an acquaintance is going through a traumatic experience such as an illness or a loss of someone close, the difficulties they are going through stay with me.
Empathy in moderation is an extraordinary characteristic and, as noted above, can lead humanity towards mutual understanding and even peaceful coexistence. Too much empathy can push a person towards sequestering themselves in isolation for their own survival. And those with no empathy whatsoever seem driven towards cruelty, greed, power, and control. Those who have a wholesale lack of empathy are known as sociopaths or, in worse cases, psychopaths. It isn’t necessary to offer examples of these types of people because we see the damage and havoc they rain down on our fellow humans on a daily basis.
Ultimately, as much as Empathy is critical to forming a stable and inclusive community, it is meaningless without action. Feeling a connection to others is just a first step. The next part is reaching out to those who need help where our actions can be expressed in several ways, but mostly they can be expressed in kindness, which will be a topic for another day.
Unfortunately empathy is often a luxury not all are lucky enough to experience. It means you have enough emotional and physical resources to allow for empathy. It seems that the Elon Musks or Donald Trumps or the Hitlers of the world had fathers who were not available.
Empathy often feels like a luxury because it requires emotional resources. When people are overwhelmed, unsafe, or depleted, the brain narrows to self-protection and empathy drops—not from lack of caring, but from lack of capacity. When life is stable and supported, empathy becomes easier. Even naturally sensitive people can feel numb under stress; it’s a temporary protective response, not a moral failure..
Jenny – Thank you for your thoughts on this subject. I’m not sure if I agree. I’ll have to think about your idea of not having the bandwidth for empathy. I see people who are on the edge of poverty helping others around them and I see others who are stricken with either illness or something else that may be debilitating, reaching out to those who are in need. Anyone, regardless of how busy or distracted they might be, can stop for a moment and offer a hand to someone struggling to cross a street, or picking up an item and handing it back to someone. These are small acts of kindness that are rooted in feeling a connection to others. Understanding that if positions were reversed we would hope someone might help us. Though that’s not why we do those bits of kindness, but we know somewhere in the back of our minds that this is how the world is supposed to work. Empathy is the root and kindness is the action. Everyone, regardless of how busy or how wealthy they may or may not be can afford a moment to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. If Elon Musk’s father was cruel to him, I’m sorry, but that is no excuse to then turn around and be cruel to others, at least that’s my take.
Maybe you could clarify what you hope to achieve with your postings. Yes – obviously empathy is fantastic but it’s not something that can be learned – you either have it or you don’t. It’s like saying being a narcissist is bad – but it’s a proven fact that for the most part they are incurable from a mental health professionals viewpoint. The thing is where do you draw the line with someone who has been damaged. Do I like Elon Musk..:no. But I can have empathy for him because of what he’s gone through. So only some deserve your empathy and others do not?
The intent of all of my posts are multi fold. In the introduction to The Caged Mind I note that I hope to offer a few thoughts about issues that are important to me and evoke responses where we can all expand our perspectives. Without dialogue we will only live sequestered in our own version of reality.
With regard to Empathy, I actually do believe we can tap into the Empathy that resides in most of us and become more aware of its importance in our lives. Of course if someone is a sociopath, their capacity for Empathy is nonexistent or at least greatly diminished.
And lastly, if someone had a rough childhood I may cut them a bit of slack but if they are blindly destroying the planet because of some childhood trauma, then my empathy for them evaporates.
Why not be the first to jump in?
Elon Musk is a good example of the anti-empathetic mode of existence. Anyone who waves a chainsaw to celebrate the forthwith firing of thousands has ice-water in his veins.
I share with you the belief, which is increasingly a framing principle for me that everything, – all things without exception are connected, with a reciprocal influence. Nothing is a left over, on the outside of the immense matrix. Each piece is every other piece. Also, behavior is never just “one way” as you wrote. We create a future that will become our habitat, for good or for evil.
Does self LESS motivation make sense anyway? Without self regard, there would be no traction by which to act, to have an effect. Self-less-ness is oxymoronic, a contradiction.
I like the lines from the Tao te Ching. They describe an indwelling, taking the time to cast the imagination towards say: a sunset, the sound of crashing surf, or the cry of a child, or… Could there be a more expansive, appealing way to live?
I agree that the adversarial situation is an acid test of empathy. Not to give rein to the ‘fight or flight’ lizard brain is difficult, something that takes practice, a toughness that is based upon many failures. There is always a subtext that is hidden from us. Everything that lives is in some degree of discomfort. Pain is the price of being alive. To be here at all means that you must pay.
I think that having too much or too little empathy is a consequence of habit, the ruts we have been subject to. No doubt more self-awareness of valuable in how we ought to adjust our practice.
I will offer a definition prompted by your post. Empathy: a capacity for acute observation, to resonate fluidly with the subject of focus.
I believe that empathy also has the quality of increasing the survival and success of the human species. It is not an accident that many of us human beings have empathy for others — it’s in our genetics. I pity those who do not enjoy the joy of knowing empathy.
At the moment my greatest anguish is realizing how many people will cheat the future by not reading your monumental essay. Fate teeters on the point you have raised. Thomas Edison gave light to the world, but Tobin Fraley gave light to the mind. Other than that; no big deal.
Hi Ern,
Thank you so much for your kind words. For all of the years I’ve known you (and that’s a lot of years) I have always relied on your kindness and perspective. So for all of us who try to make a difference (and feel so incredibly frustrated that the world is going in a different direction than we might want), we can only do our best. At times I wonder why I continue to try, but supportive words such as yours both energize me and give me hope that perhaps we do have an opportunity to make that difference, even if it is in small bits and pieces. Your friendship, point of view, and encouragement are cornerstones in moving forward, so again, THANK YOU!!!
Tobin