Intolerance vs Acceptance
On the surface it seems like these topics would be easy subjects to write about for someone who aspires to be a progressive and open-minded person. The problem arises when I delve into my feelings and begin to understand just how intolerant I am of much of the world. This is not a healthy way of viewing myself. But in the arena of self-examination that I discuss so often, I can’t avoid looking in the mirror and assessing my own lack of tolerance for those with whom I disagree.
In an essay by Benjamin Cain, a writer I often read on the website Medium, Cain describes the grumpy old misanthrope (a person who is disenchanted with humanity). This is me in a nutshell. I have a low opinion of a majority of the members of my species, usually getting bent completely out of shape by our constant self-destructive tendencies. I want to believe we are better than what I see around me on a daily basis. This perspective might be construed as arrogant and rather judgmental. It is. I view the potential of humankind as almost limitless. Our imaginations, curiosity, and intellect could be put to use solving the existential problems we face instead of embodying the line made famous by Walt Kelly (Pogo’s creator), “We have met the enemy and he is us.”
And so you might wonder what on earth this has to do with the subject of Intolerance. To explain, I’m dividing the definition of this word into two mostly distinct categories. The first being what I have just described, which is a general frustration and intolerance for the way we (the all-encompassing “we”) interact with others on a daily basis. The flip side is the intolerant behavior of many people towards such things as skin tone, sexual preference, coming from a foreign culture, age, gender, and so on. In these cases the basis for this type of intolerance, be it passive or aggressive, really has no impact on how a person who dishes out this brand of destructive rhetoric goes about their daily life. To me, even though we are using the same terminology, these are two very different definitions but with some grey areas.
What this comes down to is: Does the behavior of another person directly impact what one can or cannot do in their own life? In addition, in most cases there is a very thin line between intolerance and prejudicial attitudes, both of which follow similar patterns. In an internet search, the following definition popped up: Intolerance means an unwillingness to accept different beliefs, opinions, practices, or people, often leading to prejudice, discrimination, or bigotry.
For instance, if a person is born with a sense they would be happier being intimate with someone of the same sex, why would that even remotely impact someone else’s life? And the idea that a gay person would want to convert someone else to their lifestyle is so incredibly ludicrous as to be hardly worth mentioning. And again, if a job applicant with a foreign sounding accent can perform a task better than another person, why would anyone consider not filling the position with the more qualified candidate? Unless, of course, the person doing the hiring was intolerant of and prejudiced against someone with an unfamiliar accent.
The scenarios suggested in the previous paragraph do not equate to being intolerant and proactively stopping someone from beating their dog or shaking a child. These types of acts can have long term, negative consequences for all of society and are deemed by most rational people to be morally abhorrent. And yet even these actions are based on value judgements. This is what I mean when I suggest an obliqueness of the moral line between different types of intolerance. How do we interpret the disparity between that which the individual views as correct within their own cultural or ethical standards as compared to behavior someone else might find deplorable? There are no specific guidelines within which to judge behavior, there are no reliable or universal definitions.
Even in areas where the majority of people in the United States (though unfortunately not everyone) should find agreement with providing quality education for all children, we find instances where this seemingly basic right is outlawed in other nations. Girls are not allowed to go to school under the watchful eye of the Taliban in Afghanistan and there are harsh penalties for those who attempt to circumvent that rule. Personally I’m incredibly intolerant of the kinds of rules that further the subjugation of women and girls. On the other side, I’m extremely accepting of the cultural inclusions of families that may be divergent from the norms many of us know here in the U.S. as long as they do not infringe on the rights of others. As noted, we can make those value judgements, but in the overall scheme of things, we cannot make a definitive decree with regard to what is right and what is wrong on many aspects of what each person views as being tolerant. These are very subjective aspects of our lives.
Even noting the grey areas, what we believe to be the ethical core of the variations within tolerance can ultimately be differentiated into two types of intolerance by their roots. One is based on a frustration with a lack of thoughtfulness and civility within our society and culture. For many of us, this means we would like to see a more harmonious life for the people who inhabit this planet. The other is based on mostly unconscious fears of the unfamiliar and are erroneously interpreted as threats to one’s safety or way of life. I know I will remain entrenched in the camp of being intolerant of unfounded fear and myopic behavior while I continue to campaign for greater tolerance of diversity and inclusion. It’s just who I am.
[Note: Initially this essay used the words “tolerance” and “intolerance”. My superlative editor, Rachel, pointed out that the term tolerance implies I might reluctantly accept something with reservations. Not what I was attempting to get across. And so the word “acceptance” was substituted for “tolerance” which make much more sense.]
“when I delve into my feelings and begin to understand just how intolerant I am of much of the world” –you are intolerant, Tobin? When?
Mr. Trump gave his followers permission to think, say, and now with no restraint and absolute immunity, do, whatever they have always wanted. Are the Trumpers better off now? They seem to believe so.
Were you given the same permission? Last I heard you are on a Domestic Terrorist list. Consider what happened to Jesus when he said the wrong words. [BTW, Tobin, how is the Church of St. Tobin coming along?]
People are angry. Here is a small sample of how angry:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XMMDgtb87o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEVOgu9AOBk
Compared to the folks in these videos you don’t come close to intolerance.
Like most folks, I’m saturated in anger: The scammers yesterday offering me a free hail damage inspection; The dozen pfishing e-mails I get each week. Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get me. These small angers blend seamlessly and are increasingly indistinguishable from larger angers: The cost of groceries; War in Greenland; People getting shot in the face by government thugs; The anger when I cannot rely on my own body to function as it used to. These are non-partizan angers –not MAGA, or Left-wing angers –just part of the ambiance we all seethe in.
I never understood the myth of Pandora. Maybe it was a translation error Maria V. can explain? When Pandora opened her jar unleashing all the ills of the world, why did she slam it shut keeping Hope locked inside?
Michael, First, thank you for your thoughts on this post.
I used to think of myself as only intolerant of intolerance. Kind of an odd juxtaposition, but it made sense to me. When I started writing this post, I realized there were many more aspects of my fellow humans in which I was more intolerant than I had previously thought. But I understand your point that the scope of intolerance is certainly relative, especially in terms of those who are adamantly intolerant of so many things.
I have read many essays suggesting love to counter intolerance and hate. I understand that perspective as well, but either I don’t have the capacity for sticking daisies into gun barrels or I’m just too damn cynical. When our parents and grandparents fought the fascist regimes of World War II, they did not do so with lollipops and balloons. In order to use those tools, there must be some kind of level playing field, but with brutal authoritarians, one cannot bring a Hallmark Card to counter automatic weapons. [Not that you are suggesting this by any means]. But my point is that most people are intolerant to a degree and in many cases, that’s a good thing. We need to have the same adamancy to deal with the nasty people.
As for the Church of Me, unfortunately my “flock” is diminishing. I had the delusional fantasy that my posts would garner an ever widening audience. Silly me. No new subscribers have signed up in the past 9 months and I suspect, based on internal data, that fewer than half of those on the list open the essays at all. In doing a bit of research I found that there are 600 million bloggers worldwide. That’s a lot of opinions floating around. Which, BTW, is the topic of next week’s offering. So stay tuned.
Will compose my response before reading Michael’s comments. If I repeat something already said, it might bear saying twice.
You said: “I know I will remain entrenched in the camp of being intolerant of unfounded fear and myopic behavior while I continue to campaign for greater tolerance of diversity and inclusion. It’s just who I am.”
That is our baseline: We are who we are. Change is gradual. No matter the better judgment our frontal cortex shouts at us loudly, most of the time we will fall back upon the grooves of habit. Each is a member of a tribe that has survived to this point in time, and if we are not in pain, we hew to the tried and true ways which, one way or another have resulted in our survival. Quoting Popeye, “I yam what I yam, and that’s all that I yam!”
With that I mind your analysis of intolerance seems reasonable, based upon observation. There is a great deal of intolerance in the air, and for some, intolerance is virtue signaling. It is righteous to disdain gays, or uppity women, etc., etc.. I too would like to think that we humans are better than the behavior and words that we hear day to day. Perhaps this is why some of us become grumpy in our senior years, – we finally accede to what we see. We collectively are no better and no worse than experience and history teaches. Sometimes we/I am better.
I resonate with your two part division of intolerance. There is no excuse for boorish, rude behavior in public. Just the other morning, before sunrise someone in a big truck blew his horn at me. I thought to myself “control yourself mother fucker”. I managed to follow my own advice and not flip him off. The gesture would have increased the psychological pain for both of us. Yes, there is the revulsion for thoughtless behavior, the tendency to become lost in our screens and be oblivious to others.
Then there is the intolerance that is rooted in a resistance to all difference. I think this is the more direct, and most dangerous variety. The nub of the problem is that we humans are all one-of-a-kind. There has never been and will never be another just like me. You and I are unlike in many respects. How to respond to this fact? In a society such as ours this observation becomes a principle. Americans take pride in individualism, the “right” (god given) to satisfy your every desire. Intolerance — of all difference is played out, even cultivated, aggravated for profit and for power with the proliferation of advertising, and the algorithmic curation of messaging by social media. When I meditate upon this proclivity for too long my mind can go to a dark place.
You conclude with some cogent observations about the importance of “values.” A value is a thing or a state-of-affairs that one’s body feels is precious. All actions are motivated by values, usually below the recall of consciousness but sometimes quite conscious. I feel attraction to the beauty of a sunset. I feel revulsion for imperious authoritarianism. And values are fluid, they change. Change does not usually occur as a consequence of reason, of sound argument, but more often due to pain, or we may be seduced to value differently by effective storytelling. A story that is persuasive changes values/behavior. Remember when our roadsides were blighted by liter? That has change in my lifetime. Messaging over enough time will change what one values.
Currently Americans are immersed in a contest for the minds and hearts of every one of us, a conflict of values. On one side the messaging is one of force, of coercion, of strong-man-rule, of might = right. On the other is the sense that everyone of us has a voice, that listening is one key to a more humane future. Will the future be of “blood and cold cash” or of care, of awakening to what the earth and our survival entails.
“Intolerance” as every signifier of language can be good or evil. It depends entirely upon a context, upon the intent of my meaning.
Keep writing.
How to tolerate the intolerant seems a key question. [Falling back on the Internet of Other Peoples’ Thinking , this lady asks it well https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVd8zmjPGrg however though she waits until the end before silently asking herself, “Hmmm, maybe I’m also being intolerant?”]
It is easy to tolerate your entire Village where everyone thinks pretty much exactly the same as you. Perhaps this is why some folks find such peace huddled off in Kansas enclaves? Minor deviants (but only minor) can be safely tolerated or even appreciated as harmless eccentrics. The position of ‘Village Idiot’ can be highly satisfying.
Tobin shouldn’t be discouraged by imagined lack of recent converts. Would Jesus have been discouraged by those who simply turned and walked away? Saddened perhaps but not discouraged.
Michael, My cynicism is in overdrive these days with regard to the insipid stupidity of our species. I wonder if people were able to move to some ideal location where the general attitude and culture was homogeneous, would they not find a way of becoming intolerant about something, anything. It’s almost as if people need to feel a oneupmanship when it comes to being around others (not all people, but I would guess most). Hard to keep going when we’re waste deep in the big muddy.