PONCI
Acronyms are wonderful. Many of us come up with more than a few of them over time, but this particular one almost no one will ever hear of or use. The reason is self-explanatory based on its meaning and derivation: People Of No Consequential Importance (PONCI). Since I made this up, I have the privilege of deciding the pronunciation: it rhymes with donkey. It’s very important to note that this is not meant as a derogatory label. Ambition can, at times, be an extremely detrimental characteristic leading to a life filled with a constant need for more and more.
PONCI’s make up the vast majority of the earth’s population. The members of this group live out their lives under the radar, without headlines or vast wealth or being recognized walking down the street. Most are truly fine and even very happy with their lack of notoriety, working at regular jobs, raising a family, or just spending their energy on the basics of staying alive. Fame is set aside for the others, the movie stars, politicians, industrialists, the movers and shakers; the people who are visibly altering the world, for better or for worse.
In this country of many self-described rugged individualists, there are more than a few whose ambitious nature pushes them to shed the mantle of a PONCI. These are people who are stuck in obscurity but long for discovery. A great number of these wannabees fall within the definition of either “creative dreamer” or “blathering ranter”. The first group consists of people such as artists, filmmakers, chefs, writers, musicians, inventors, and others who are honing their craft, all of whom would like to be recognized, to fit the definition of success and humbly accept the accolades of a grateful general public. But, for whatever reason, they cannot bridge the chasm. The second group is filled with an array of puffed-up folks who write comments on news articles, pontificate on social media pages and write nasty anonymous notes to public officials via the internet. Combine these two and you have a large swath of the visible upper echelon of America in a nutshell; literally.
Sheepishly I admit I am a PONCI malcontent. In an egotistical and self-aggrandizing way, I have always thought I would have some sort of break through where I would garner notoriety as a writer, photographer, graphic designer, filmmaker and/or historian (yes, I’ve tried a wide variety of avenues). All with the hope of ultimately finding a niche that would catapult me to some sort of recognition and into a place where I could impart my own skewed version of wisdom and importance.
How ridiculously grandiose!! Yikes! Now at an age many would refer to as “old” I continue to have a difficult time shaking the dream. Even the creation of this weekly offering is an indication I have not fully let go of the notion of becoming a former PONCI. I have wondered if there is something genetic here, for my mother was also stuck with this rather debilitating concept of the measure of success. My sister, Jenny, and I have also had many conversations regarding a mutual frustration surrounding our self-perceived lack of achievement.
My sister and I also suffer from the extreme fear of mediocrity. That the fruits of our creative labors will be, well, “okay” but nothing special. That we are pretty good at what we do and are able to produce things that are “not too bad”. We are both realistic enough to understand that if we were truly awful in our attempts to create, we would have given up long ago. But it’s the “almost” that hooks us and keeps us masochistically returning to explore the creative side of our minds. The world where we have hung our hats is a vicious and unforgiving one. It is a world where not only the truly gifted, but more often the well-connected and lucky find success, or at least the popular notion of success.
To be fair, everyone who lives and breathes impacts others to a degree. The butterfly effect is evident in everything we do. The bits and pieces of every life influence friends and relatives in ways we can only imagine, so it’s not as if PONCIs live in a vacuum. Breaking away from that immediate circle is the goal of those wanting to move beyond their sphere of close connections. They (me) want to make a splash where the ripples can be felt by strangers who might nod in agreement and pass along whatever they have garnered from contact with the creator of that content.
So now and then I remember the Buddhist explanation of life: That the goal is not the end product but the path we take. In my case I know I enjoy the process of writing and taking photographs. I do not enjoy attempting to find homes for them, to market them and hope people will purchase my work or read what I write. I continue to shout into a void where my words are only absorbed into the cacophonous din of others who are also shouting.
When I stop and take a deep breath, I know this is true. As I noted in the piece on Wisdom, I have, over the years, read and reread Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. One would think the moral of that story would have sunk in by now. The wise and ageless voices of the river do call to me as well. I hear them as plain as I hear any talking head spewing nonsense on the television, but even though the river makes more sense, I turn away and close my ears.
Perhaps someday I will find the patience to truly listen and incorporate that wisdom into my core. At that point there will be no yearning to become anything other than a PONCI, for the desire to seek satisfaction in the eyes of others will have evaporated. But for now, I keep trying.
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Well expressed my friend.
Reality is concurrently a shit-storm of violence, striking us like an abyss. Also, reality is sublime, enveloping us in beauty and meaning that’s beyond words. Each of us must respond to both…
Jerry
Tobin, me too.
My comment has received the response “Your comment is awaiting moderation.”
I actually thought that my comment was quite moderate.
I am a PONCI.
My religious upbringing taught me that humankind, with the inspiration or maybe the spark of God within us must do good things. We all collectively doing small good deeds will bring about the age of peace and all people living in harmony…we are all collectively empowered to create the Messianic Age.
If we think of ourselves as one person, we miss that we are one humankind.
Peter,
Thanks for the thought. I agree that small kindnesses plus working in tandem can make a big difference, even if there is no grandiosity associated with those acts. I also believe that energetic leadership along with concepts that can be implemented on universal basis can have an even greater impact. Perhaps it’s a curse that I tend to see the world on a broader scale. I read about ideas that could make profound differences in the lives of millions of people, but those ideas are ignored because they don’t fit the agenda of some large corporation or they are considered too unwieldy, even without being tried out.
I see this conundrum of acting locally vs globally not as a choice, but as a balance. Both must be sought after and acted upon. It’s not an “either” “or” situation.
Just my two cents.
Thanks again,
Tobin
I am a very content PONCI! Too many people seem to torture themselves trying to make their life have “meaning”. For those who succeed, good job! But just being more or less content is enough for me.
Hi Anne,
Thank you for your note on today’s offering. Laboring under the illusion that I might have something valuable to offer on a grander scale is not much fun. It leads to frustration and disappointment, as you are well aware with the efforts we both put in on The Children Shall Inherit. For me personally it is often difficult to decipher what is a really good idea in a broader sense and what is something that just seems like a good idea in my head. An old prayer (not that I’m religious) is quite apropos here: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I clearly do not have that wisdom, at least not yet.
Love the donkey image!
Dear PONCI malcontent,
So what if you are not the equal of a Washington, or an Einstein, etc.?
You might be and not know it. How could you know? Many have had no more than an inkling of the importance of their work while they lived.
Only in retrospect have most of those who’d be on anyone’s list been recognized. What one contributes cannot be assessed until the lapse of time allows perspective. And by then you (nor I) will be around to at last understand what our relentless effort to fulfill our passions have meant. It is for others, for another generation to make the call, and to incorporate our actions into the fabric of their generation.
In any case, one is who one is. One thing only is ours: to live this one stupendous life with which we have been gifted, – with gusto. Here are a few lines from E. M. Cioran’s book, All Gall Is Divided which captures the point:
Caesar? Don Quixote? Which of the two, in my presumption, would I take as a model? It makes no difference. The fact is that one day, in a far country, I set off to conquer the world, all the perplexities of the world…
Perhaps my statement of PONCI malcontent was a bit strong. A fully realize that recognition in itself does not really mean much. And fame is mostly overrated, at least based on statements made by some of those who have gained a certain notoriety. Of course others thrive on having their name in the papers on a daily basis (who can I possibly be thinking of?) even though they have nothing beneficial to say or promote. These folks somehow believe that fame and power are an end result unto itself.
As for post mortem recognition, I highly doubt that’s in the cards. There is really nothing that I’ve accomplished that is of that caliber. This is not meant as a “poor me” note, but more a pragmatic POV. I know that I have made a positive difference in some people’s lives (and I know I’ve had a a negative impact on some as well). Teaching for 18 years is going to have some beneficial repercussions and the friendships I’ve made affect those who I have learned to trust. Perhaps I should be happy with just that. Many people find solace and contentment in doing the things I’ve done, but I guess that I also carry a huge sense of failure around with me. I wanted to leave the world a better place than when I arrived and it ain’t happenin’. But Jerry, you already know that’s who I am at the core level.
As the Beatles said, “Life goes on within you and without you.”
The malcontent of a PONCI was a measured articulate statement it seems to me. I know that it is simply human that each one of us entertains these thoughts in our own way. One thing is sure: Life is a ride unlike anything conceived for any amusement park.
I simply did not have the imagination in my 20s to entertain the possibilities that lay before me. Even if I could have cobbled up potential futures, – none would have come close to what it has been so far. And best of all, we are not finished yet.
Keep writing!
Tobin!
Well written and an interesting point of view!
I think it is important to understand that everyone’s personal radar is set at a different level of strength.
So, what seems to be under the radar to some could possibly register noticeably to another.
A small act of kindness can change someone’s life. If your “radar” is set at certain levels, that can put one in a “rock star” status to another.
FYI, your comments are always consequential to me!
Thanks for your writings!